New Directions: a Stones of Power Update

As I type this post, I'm trying hard to block out the merry little nursery rhymes playing through the speakers in the house--and the responding excited squeals of my infant daughter--while also being hyper focused on her every twitch and wiggle and attending to her every need. Some days I'm more successful than others, and today is not one of those days.

Back when we decided to expand our little family of two, I was blissfully unaware that my writing routine, the one that I'd spent years fighting to carve out in blood, sweat and tears, would be obliterated so thoroughly. But as you can imagine, at the first notes of baa baa black sheep, Drayvex bids me adieu with a scathing remark and retreats back into the darkest parts of my mind. ​

---

These past four months have been a ride. For the first time since starting my debut novel Shadow-Stained, my writing life ground to a halt. At first I fought it. Am I still a writer if I don't find the time to write? Will I implode from within if I don't get my much needed time at the keyboard every day? I soon realised that none of that really matters, that what used to matter then is not what should matter now. So I put down my author hat, and gave our newest arrival my all.

Fast forward four months, and the initial whirlwind of sleep deprivation and dirty nappies (and losing the ability to use my arms for anything other than giving tiny cuddles) seems to have somewhat mellowed. We have a nice little daily routine that gives us much needed structure, something that both my little girl and I seem to need. Sometimes, I know what day of the week it is. There's even been the tippety tapping of keyboard keys once more! A hundred words here, a hundred words there. It may not sound like a lot in terms of an entire book, but it feels a hell of a lot like a win. And our favourite douchebag Demon Lord? Has he been thwarted by this tiny banshee with the face of an angel? Let's just say, he's pushing back in a big way. 

---

All this to say that yesterday I had an epiphany. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? That things often happen exactly how they're supposed to, even when it feels like everything is going wrong? I've always been inclined to think this way. After Soul-Strung's successful launch, after the good reviews came pouring in and I was able to breathe again. I'd loved writing it so much, and you also loved reading it! It's successor, however, is a different story. 

When you write a book, it's yours and yours alone. When you publish that book, it belongs to your readers, is no longer just yours, but something to share. I wrote Shadow-Stained for me. I wrote Soul-Strung for me and for every reader who enjoyed and supported Ruby and Drayvex on their previous journey. But when I sat down to write book three (the penultimate in this series of four, no less), I realised that the pressure to 'get it right' was getting in the way. Ultimately, I was at the point where I was writing solely for my waiting audience. This is actually not the good thing it sounds like and I learned very quickly that I am my very first reader. After all, the only person who will see that first draft is me. (And my husband, who reads everything I write ;-)). 

---

Stepping away from everything to focus on my daughter may have felt like a sacrifice at the time, but it was the best thing I could have done for myself. It was the reset button I so badly needed, and now that I am writing again, I am writing for me. The weight of expectation has been lifted, and I'm back in the world of Ruby and Drayvex, having fun once again.